What’s the difference between a kiss that goes flat and a kiss that tickles the toes? Some kisses you can feel tingle up your spine, while others feel like the mechanical meeting of lips.

Here’s my list of the Top 5 Reasons that some kisses are super, while others end up duds.

1. Emotional connection.

If you kiss a guy or girl that you kind of like, then your kiss will be kind of nice. But if you kiss a guy or girl you REALLY like, then your kiss will be REALLY special. An emotional connection is crucial for an amazing kiss. When the physical pleasure of a kiss combines with the emotional pleasure of sharing an intimate moment, fireworks happen.

2. Great comfort level.

One of the great killers of the pleasure of kissing is nerves. The more nervous you are, the tenser you feel. Tension makes you stiff and unyielding – the complete opposite of what a great kisser should be! When you’re anxious about the result of a kiss or self-conscious about whether you’re doing it right, you won’t be able to enjoy the moment like you should. Worse, your tension will get communicated to your partner. Relax and flow in the moment.

3. Ability to forget the world.

The top kisses seem to go on forever. Your mind is clear of everything but your partner’s breath, responses, murmurs, and body against yours. But it can be hard to forget the world if you’re in a noisy environment, being jostled by other people, or are in an uncomfortable position. For example, despite their popularity as makeout locations, cars are notoriously uncomfortable places to kiss. Too, if you’re feeling self-conscious about your kissing technique or wondering if others are watching, you’ll bring yourself out of the moment and back to earth. Clear your head the next time you kiss and let nothing else matter.

4. Imagination.

Great kissers don’t just do what they do best; they adapt to their partner and experiment with different kinds of kisses. If your kissing repertoire consists of two styles – kiss and French kiss – then it may be time to explore the possibilities. Vary the pace and pressure of your kisses. Expand from the mouth and kiss the eyelids, neck, even nibble the ear. Be inventive.

5. Rhythm.

The best kisses have an ebb and flow. They start gently, become greedy, then allow a pause for breathing and meeting one another’s eyes. A kiss is sometimes called a dance of the lips, and it’s important to remember that kisses, like dances, must have a rhythm. Nothing is worse than someone who is so intent on kissing you that they don’t allow you room to breath. Let your kiss find its natural rhythm. Allow it to warm up and eventually cool down. Always take time to reconnect with your partner through catching his or her eyes and breathing together.

If you really care about someone, are completely relaxed, there in the moment, and allow your kissing to find its natural rhythm and expression, you’ll find that your kisses become much more intense and enjoyable.

Learn more tips and techniques like these in my book, Kissing 101. You’ll learn step-by-step methods for becoming a fantastic kisser. It’s completely illustrated, so there’s no way you can go wrong! Avoid rejection by learning the signals that tell you to go or not go for a kiss. Become an expert in body language: interpret how your partner responds to your kiss with my handy guide. Whether you want to learn how to French kiss or what it would be like to kiss with a tongue ring, my complete guide to kissing tips and techniques has the answers! Check it out today